How I Manage my Anxiety
Ooh girl, do I have anxiety. So I’m here to give you the anxie-tea (oh God, cringe, forget I went there) on how the actual hell I figured out I had it. Because let me tell you, it’s been a journey. Sit back, relax, and try not to get triggered. Let’s get into it!
Early Signs of Anxiety
Looking back, there were clear signs that I had anxiety. I moved states when I was 6 from Utah to Washington, leaving behind quite a lot of family that helped raise me. As I adjusted, I became incredibly clingy to my mom, who worked at my school at the time. I wouldn’t go on sleepovers, I got worked up about school, and I could not for the life of me sleep.
I started having a really difficult time breathing. I could never get a full breath, and constantly felt pressure, at at time intense sharp pain, in my chest. Cue the endless doctor appointments as I got older! Doctors tried a LOT. Chest x-rays, allergy testing, blood tests, you name it. Finally, the results were in: I had an allergy to dust mites. So obviously I must be having trouble sleeping because of it. There was no real solution other than to keep things particularly clean and avoid dusty spaces.
My parents started getting into antique auctions, and I would always have a lot of trouble breathing when I went with them. It made sense - I was allergic to dust mites, and there were a lot of old, dusty things lying around in there. The thing is, I was avoiding dust where possible, but I was still really struggling most days. Nothing was improving.
Come the end of high school, I had my first panic attack. Usually, it was generalized anxiety and was persistent but not explosive. But I had a rocking-myself-on-the-floor-while-hyperventilating kind of panic attack that really opened my eyes to the mental health scene and what might actually be going on with me. I moved off to college, and started to suspect that anxiety was the cause of my breathing issues.
How I Got Diagnosed With Anxiety
This is where it gets interesting. I went to different doctors over time and eventually ended up with a holistic doctor in high school. She was amazing! I got on a vitamin regime, we went over exercise, and in general, she looked at my health from a, well, hollistic point of view. But still, nothing about a specific anxiety diagnosis came up.
Enter college. I’ve moved out on my own, and I’m having a really hard time with endometriosis. I ended up on medication for 6 months that stripped my hormones and put me into a period of, essentially, menopause before I was even 20. (If you want to read a blog post on my experience with endo, leave a comment!)
Because of the medicine, I opted to see a therapist for the first time. I needed a medication that would balance out the imbalance caused by the treatment. It was in these sessions that the sneaking suspicion I had begun to form was confirmed: I had anxiety.
She helped me replace my normal coping mechanisms with new tools and get to a place where I was starting to understand what made me tick a lot better. I felt more aware, and therefore more in control. But that doesn't mean that my anxiety was “fixed”, or that I’m “cured”.
Managing my Anxiety
These days, your girl has it figured out a lot better. That does not mean that I don’t have bad days where a panic attack hits, or even a week where my stomach feels like it’s getting stabbed by a knife because the anxiety is so bad.
However.
Day to day, I deal with it pretty well. I have my own set of coping mechanisms that work for me on the reg, or some for * emergency circumstances *, if you will. Most important to figuring out what worked for me was getting down to the bottom of the roots of my anxiety. Those ended up being fear of failure, as well as fear of being trapped. That helped me identify the causes of my anxiety once I was starting to feel it, and then manage what I could from there.
Here are a few things that work for me.
Sleep: Sleep was a huge issue for me growing up. I first started off by, at the time, getting rid of my alarm clock. I would wake up constantly to check my alarm clock to make sure that I wasn’t oversleeping or even that I wasn’t falling asleep too late to make me tired the next day. So getting rid of my alarm clock meant that I really had to want to check the time to pick my phone up off of the tall chest of drawers next to my bed to check it.
Now, with a change in technology culture, an alarm clock is beside the point. But what I do is create a bed time routine that helps set my mind up to know that it’s time to rest and to sleep. This involves most of the senses. I tackle sound with a noise app that I program my fave combinations into for comfort (crickets, wind, fan). I still wake up often to check the time because I feel like I’ll oversleep. So I set a timer on the app to play the noises until 30 minutes before my alarm is scheduled to go off. That way, if I wake up naturally before my alarm goes off, and I hear that the sounds are off, I know not to go back to sleep because I’ll have a much harder time waking up. But if I wake up and still hear the sounds, I don’t even check the time - I know to keep sleeping because I have time.
Then I tackle scent with lavender oil on my pillow, or a candle. This helps signal to my brain that it’s bedtime. Touch comes in with pyjamas. I make sure to change from comfy lounging clothes in the evening to proper pyjamas. It’s another signal for my brain that this is something that only ever happens before I go to sleep. And lastly, I read for at least 10 minutes in bed before turning the light off and going to sleep.
Scent: This one takes a bit of groundwork, but it well worth it. Use one specific scent during times you know in advance you will be happy. Whether this is every time you go on vacation, or when you see a certain person, or when you do your favourite hobby. Then, if you’re having a particularly bad moment, like a panic attack, smell that scent. Maybe it’s a perfume, a candle, or an essential oil. Your mind will associate it with better times and it will, at the very least, momentarily distract you. I only use this in rare instances where I need the boost so that the scent doesn’t become associated with anxiety in my brain.
Therapy: The taboo one! I’ve tried a few different counsellors and psychotherapists over the past 10 years. What’s really important is finding someone who works for YOU. Give it a few times. It takes a bit to be familiar and comfortable with someone. This helps get to the bottom of the root causes and find tools that are the best fit for you. This can change over time, as well, depending on circumstances, personal growth, etc. There are multiple ways to get help, whether it’s online, over the phone, or in person. Look into options for your area!
Books: I mentioned that I read before bed, but it’s a really good tool during rough moments. If I’m feeling anxious on public transportation, or in a scenario where I have the opportunity to quietly sit with myself on my phone, I read a non-fiction book to help my mind escape into another reality beside the one I’m currently having difficulty with. It’s not a long-term fix, but it can help re-set or distract my brain to get back on track.
Meditation: I try to meditate for just 5 minutes every day, whether it’s on my commute or before bed. I choose a time when I am not distracted and have the time to properly focus on it and clear my thoughts. There are so many different types of meditation, so it’s easy to find one that you like, and setting a goal of only 5 minutes helps to not put too much pressure on the task while also making it part of your daily routine. Then, when I’m having a harder day, it’s easier to break out a breathing technique or a few minutes of meditation since I’ve been practising while I’ve been in a better place.
Open and honest: Where appropriate, I try to be as honest as possible with my friends and family about what makes me anxious, what they can do to help, and what I need. Then if I’m having a panic attack or anxiety, they’re aware ahead of time and it’s easier on both parties. Plus, it means that I can talk to them when I’m feeling poorly which usually gives me a boost and makes me much happier. A video chat can go a long way!
Disprove: A lot of anxiety is irrational. So I have to make a conscious effort to prove myself wrong. If something feels overwhelming/impossible/foreboding, I try to make myself do it anyway. I just tell myself that if I start doing whatever it is, give it an honest go, and still really hate it and want to stop/leave, then I can do so. But I have to give it a real shot and let it play out. I’d say 95% of the time I end up really enjoying myself, or at minimum feeling really accomplished because I did something that made me anxious.
Break it down: When something is feeling overwhelming, I break it down into smaller components. Then I feel accomplished each step of the way, instead of only when I’ve fully overcome the task/scenario. I keep a to-do list all the time, and when I’m having a bad day I tend to put more of the easier tasks on. Things that I know I’ll be accomplishing anyway, but that need to happen. Take a shower, brush my hair, make lunch, take a nap, whatever it may be. Then I feel like I’m at least progressing through my day instead of feeling guilty that I’m having a hard time and not getting anything “productive” done.
These are just a few of the many ways that I get through my day-to-day. I’ve come a long way in my anxiety, and the regular work is well worth it!
Resources and Products
Meditation: Insight Timer
Books: Goodreads
Sounds app: Relax Melodies
Candle: DW Home Lavender Chamomile
Counseling: BetterHelp
To Follow
The Angry Therapist (My favourite platform: Podcast)
Advanced Bitches (My favourite platform: TikTok)
Dr. Brendan (My favourite platform: TikTok)
Armchair Expert (Podcast with specialist guest episodes)